October 31st, 2008

Warning! If you are under 14, this post may not be for you.

We all know about Robin Hood. He steals from the rich and he gives to the poor, right?

Well, let me tell you some about who Robin Hood was originally. Cut the medieval story: by 1200 AD at the latest he was already a legend in England, with people taking on his name.

By about two years of research I have gotten down into the heart-depth of the Robin Hood legend. I have looked at English folk-plays, nursery rhymes, dusty ballad collections (400+ years dust, I mean), modern ballad collections and place name legends, plus taking into account the Gaelic and Welsh versions of an ancient song which mentions Robin and John (or Sion if you’re talking Welsh). In British Folklore, there were Three Brothers: Robin Hud’, which is pronounced Hoo-dj—see here for explanation—Little Shaunnie Mor, and Wilkin Shaklock. (You could say William Wallachie, Will Scarlet, William Shathelok, Sweet Willie Sha or Shakra Mor, but I prefer Wilkin.)

Point: I have determined that Robin Hood lived in pre-Christian Britain. You know how he’s always supposed to be in conflict with the clergy? In pre-Christian Britain, that’s going to be … pagan priests.

It actually gets worse. Robin Hood’s uncle was Hind Horn or King Horn or if you prefer dodgy medieval spelling:

Kynge Horne

or, in another instance,

Lord Heathen!

Follow up:

Or if you prefer Gaelic spelling, he was Adhaircean Dubh—Black Horns. Supposedly quite a man of power in the days past into the mist.

In the legends, he’s a womanizer, and it’s quite possible he was impersonating the antlered Forest Lord (a legendary Celtic god). One of the first artifacts from Britain is a stag’s skull made into a mask, with holes for the eyes. This would have been worn by shamans during their rituals.

One night in the forest, Black Horns killed Robin Hood’s mother because she had married his brother, instead of him, and Black Horns was mad about that. He didn’t kill Robin, who he tossed aside as a newborn into the brush:

He felt no pity for that lady,
Though she was lying dead;
But he felt some for the bonny boy,
Lay weltering in her blood.

Then [Horn’s] taken up the bonny bairn,
Handled him tenderly,
And said, ‘Ye are o my own kin,
Though your mother ill used me.’

As to Robin Hood’s father, Brown Robin, he was so awful, it seems that they kicked him out of polite society and then hanged him and drowned him in a bog. (Bog drowning combined with hanging was reserved for the worst offenders in Ancient Western Europe.) The details of what he did are not presentable.

So Robin Hood, when sufficiently grown up, conflicted with Black Horns and killed him, saying,

Take you that, O Hind* [Horn,]
O take you that from me,
For killing of my mother fair,
And her not hurting thee.

*I believe in Old English, hind, in a later meaning, means ‘man’ although it was originally pronounced hend and meant ‘gentle’. There’s a bit of confusion surrounding Robin Hood & Will & Black Horns, as both Will & Black Horns had golden hair & grey eyes. Robin is occasionally confused with both of them and in fact, the ‘hind’ in ‘hind horn’ should belong to Robin, as Robin is sometimes called a hind/hend child. Bairnie or child is a much older term for warrior. But let’s put it this way, Black Horns was not gentle!

This was open rebellion. (In pre-Christian Britain the established authority was not merely the local Chief but also the local Shaman, or Witchdoctor, or pagan priest, or fertility-ritual organizer, or King Horn, or Lord Hokk/Pimp. No this is not in history books. It is in folk-rituals however which history is completely oblivious of) To rebel against established authorities was not an easy thing.

Robin was kicked out. For different reasons than his father, he found himself in the greenwood. As a reaction against his upbringing (to be truthful, it was likely Pimp school) and malevolent kin, he developed a burning hatred for all degradation and obscenity. He went out to stop it: if you haven’t dug in folklore, you might not understand that obscenity and human degradation have not suddenly come about in this era. There used to be some sexual practices in Old Europe, once ritualized forms of abuse, which the modern West is now returning to.

So, he really took the slam dunk out of their fertility rituals: he gelded them!

Which is probably why we still remember him today— standing up for normal people, putting down their degraders!

We always knew Robin Hood was audacious, didn’t we? There is his original audacity!

People came to him. He had lots of recruits, he made lots of enemies. The existing powers led not so merry chases around Britain trying to get him. It didn’t help his enemies that people starting leaving their doors unbarred for Robin, in case he should appear.

All the same, Hood was forced up into Scotland. The Scots have never forgotten; at least, their songs have never forgotten. Unfortunately—in the midst of a kind of a rescue attempt in what-is-now-England, of his ‘fair lady’—i.e, carrying her off from the Priestly Pimps, (a large theme in ancient Northern European legendry, btw!) he was captured. The High Witches must’ve done dirty things to him, because when they were bringing him into Caer Lugh (or Carlisle) he was saying such things as:

Fye on ye women, why call ye me man?
For it’s no man that I’m used like,
I’m but like a {exhausted}* hound
Has been fighting in a dirty syke (gutter)

They took him to the hanging hill
And up and to the gallows tree
Never the color left his cheek
Nor ever did he blink his e’e.

*original word for-fah-kten

Then, suddenly, Hood decided not to die. (His friends would think ‘lack’ of him) He gave a running jump, straight down over a wall 18 feet high, with his hands bound behind his back. In the ensuing chase, Little John and all the rest showed up and saved him.

So he led still more revolts. Britain gloried in those days, in the kind leader. To those who insist on robbery, lissen up: If he ‘robbed’ it wasn’t indiscriminately. It was the sort of thing where your opponent in war is captured by you and you don’t let them walk out of camp with their weapons and gold. Far more robbery went on of people in those days than money. In fact, I can’t say they had money in Robin Hood’s day. Maybe, like, sheep, and cows, and gold jewelry, but money … ???? Cattle stealing was possibly more prevalent.

If, ahhh, Robin was robbing anyone, it was—let me say it TWICE, pimps. That is, ahh, who he was robbing. What he was taking was people back into real life. Ever wondered where he got Little John? Click here to find out…

But he was caught again, later. This time no escape: no gallows, it was worse. They bled him to death.

But he will always live on. We will remember Robin Hood forever. We will tell our children, like our parents told us, like their parents told them, like their parents told them. And when we remember Robin Hood, we remember all that is best in resisting oppression and degradation.

Conclusion: stealing from the rich and giving to the poor was NOT Robin Hood’s original audacity.